Searching

I realize a new chapter in my life of genuinely searching for God perhaps initiated or instigated by higher education and frequent travel with exposure to true beauty and rich truth. I have been in contact with both evil and love. I now desire to possess the truth of these events. I want to find God. I will search this world to its farthest reaches not strictly for the pleasure in travel but to experience the faces of God. I will continue to consume books that use intellectualism to reflect and point toward Christ. And in the end I expect to make a full circle and realize the great paradox that perhaps I encountered God far away, still He has been making himself known to me from the very beginning, I didn't have to leave the room I inhabit to encounter God.

I'm in a theology class that feels more like a philosophy class at times. We have answered the question of the meaning of life. We ask why shall we strive to succeed. Also we redefined freedom in terms that I'm struggling to make peace with.

All this to say, I'm about to begin a search of where the Church of Christ developed their theology from. Unfortunately I feel like I am offending or dishonoring my great grandfather by going on this journey to undermine his beliefs. And it's not that simple, he has spent his life shepherding his family to be Christians but in this 'denomination' a person cannot belong to another flock and still be true and unfortunately they (the great grandparents) take that seriously. Anyway, I just got a call that he had a heart attack and is in the hospital. I'm really glad that I got to see him again this last week and I really want to see him again but I know he has given up on life. He is content with the life he has lived and doesn't want to live by medicine.