Thursday, December 11, 2008

normal or uncommon

There is a quote I found recently that states, "Perhaps, there is no more dangerous place for a Christian to be then in safety and comfort, detached from the suffering of others." This quote was attributed to Shane Claiborne's mom in "Jesus for President." I love it because it seems SO true.

I'm in a place of limbo. I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing. I've arrived at a career that I love at a place that I love. I love where I live (the apartment, not the city) and how I feel right now. I can make payments on loans and I can handle this. But as much as I feel like I'm doing what I want to be doing I recognize equally that I'm not doing what I want and I'm not where I ultimately want to be. This is good for now, this is easy and it's comfortable. And I'm tempted, sometimes, to ask for more time here. To be responsible and pay off my college loans on my own, little by little. I'm especially tempted at times to make compromises of my intended vocation in order to settle down a bit. Have a real life with real people instead of the unending transient existence.

But today, again, I chose to take the lonely uncommon path to be single and to pursue another lifestyle. I felt a little like I could relate to the story where Jesus had to say to Paul, "Get behind me, Satan" because it was oh so tempting to change the trajectory of my life to follow a person I have loved dearly. But God, it seems, has uncommon intentions for my life. So I kept my impulses at bay and bravely stood my ground as an easier life beckoned for me to accept. I may be insignificant and frail but an easy, comfortable, common life does not belong to me. Hopefully, I will continue to persevere and accept my vocation.

I am running again. This is uncomfortable and proves to be a great exercise of discipline and perseverance. I intend to run a 4 mile race this Saturday and if the next week of endurance runs (up to 8 miles) goes well, for Christmas I will enter myself in the Austin 1/2 marathon and the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon. I will begin an 18 week training regimen Christmas week. And perhaps this go-round I'll blog more about my experiences running.

For me, running is a blessing. I believe that I shouldn't be able to run, but I do because it represents a tangible process of sanctification. I feel myself being conquered and reformed. I feel myself surrendering to my frailty and pushing beyond what I should be able to do and this makes me rejoice and find renewed strength. I love to run. Running is prayer.

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