The Big Training Run

This is a personal recollection of pretty much everything I did in preparation for my 20 mile training run earlier today. Enjoy, I find it amusing. Running used to be very simple for me. Throw on some clothes and walk over to the nuclear assembly building that was home to LCU's recreation facility. Run for 30 minutes on a treadmill, use an elliptical/stair climber/stationary bike for 15-20 minutes and then walk back to my dorm feeling awful because I was so out of shape aerobically. Now I go through all this:

Last night I trimmed my toe nails and carb loaded with my favorite pasta and beverage and made sure to get some extra calories with Ben and Jerry. I made sure to get my beauty sleep and stayed in bed in and out of sleep until 11am. When I arose, I began guzzling water followed by consuming a 20g protein bar. Then was the stress of checking the weather and deciding what to wear. 5 years ago it would have been a t-shirt and a pair of generic basketball shorts. Now I have an overflowing box of technical wicking fabrics of all colors and from many events. I chose thigh length tights, asic warm-up pants (the ones I muddied yesterday on a 10 mile bike ride), and my OKC long sleeve tee. I chose thin double layer polyester blend socks, superfeet berry insoles, Asics gel Kayano sneaks, garmin 305 training partner, iPod, Cliff black cherry Shot Blocks, GU Roctane blueberry pomegranate and vanilla orange, ID and cell phone and of course a University of Texas hat to top things off. I applied Body Glide to shoulders, inner thighs (think Juno) and feet. I ate an English muffin with preserves and a glass of vanilla chai and soy protein. And as I finished my drink, mentally preparing, the time was coming. It was 12:40pm. 20 miles needed to be conquered.
I put my shoes on and fastened my Garmin watch. Something felt wrong with my shoes and it dawned on me as I stood outside stretching my calves, I had forgotten to put the superfeet in my shoes and I didn't have a sock liner in them yet either. Good thing I realized that before going anywhere. So I walked back in to correct that glitch. I went back outside powering on the training partner and realizing that the sun was out and as I began to jog away from the house, my cell phone and iPod bouncing in my asics pocket that I would do better with shorts on a day like today. So back I went into the house to put on shorts and repack my electronics and fuel into a waist pack (not to be mistaken for a fannie pack).
Now it was 1pm and I really needed to get going. So I did. I ran 5 miles to Caribou in Wheaton for some water and fuel. Then I ran 5 miles to I-355 and ate more fuel, without water (the fountains haven't been turned on yet). At mile 12, I really needed to find water so I made an unexpected stop at the Glen Elyn Starbucks. Then it was off to Wheaton to stop in at Caribou for the final H2O and fuel break at mile 15. I ran along Main in West Chicago across 59 to the Burger King because I learned years ago, in Manhattan, that you can find Dr. Pepper on fountain there, even in the North. Success. I arrived at BK right at 20 miles, got a large DP and called my Kansas City buddy Rachel because I first talked to her last year after my 20 miler.
Upon arriving at home, I put on a kettle of water to boil and located my Epsom salt. I was going to have a hot soak in the bath. Maybe I should have had an ice bath for inflammation but I was happier taking some meds for that and enjoying a pleasant bath. I drank more protein stuff and watched the ER finale while cooking some mashed potatoes.
Now I'll end my day reading some Theroux, hoping that my feet and knees will feel like working tomorrow. At least I'll be around people who know well the feeling of recovering from a difficult workout.

So yeah, that's how to run 20 miles. Now you try....

Now What?

I again return to mirror the patterns of the boomerang generation of which I belong. Meaning, I'm inhabiting the room where I lived for 13 years of my childhood just a few yards from the room where my parents sleep. Yup, I'm living under my parents roof again. Why am I here I wonder? I don't have a job. I've been surviving with my back and it seems to be healing on its own without medical attention. I don't have more then two friends here it seems. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't have an immediate plan. Sure I have my more long-term plan in place. I know where I want to go, who I want to work with. I have my application all in order and communications beginning in that department but even that has been put on hold and outside of my control.

So what am I doing with myself now that I have finally come to a place in life where I have no responsibilities (oh I still have financial responsibilities but that's a bit different then taking care of kids or classes)? At this very moment I find myself sitting in a chair where I've sat many times before at the most chic/trendy coffee shop in this medium-sized college town where I was raised being bombarded by noise from a local jazz band. The music isn't bad, I just had come here for respite from the confusion of home only to be met by a bad too loud for this small venue and lots of college kids some of whom I vaguely recognize talking about the boys now at LCU and what they are doing and what kinds of guys they want to date and what types of weddings they want and all the things that sound completely ridiculous to me now. No, I don't think I'm too good for these conversations, honestly I think I'm just lonely and out of my element.

How does a person become a foreigner in their hometown anyway? I've only been away for just over two years. But my personal culture and world-view began to change long before I moved away. I knew from a very young age that I wanted to move away. In elementary school I knew I wanted to move to Colorado or someplace beautiful like that to enjoy the mountains and be secluded from all kinds of people. But as I grew up I never became the homebody-type that would enjoy living in solitude in the mountains. In high school my identity began to change in such a way that I felt distanced from people and like I couldn't be understood. My experiences were unique but so are the experiences of every other person who has ever lived. These things perhaps I didn't so much recognize at that age like I do now at least a little bit better. Either way, I was free after that point to develop understandings and beliefs somewhat independent from my peers. Peer pressure was an issue for me in many ways but at the same time, my identity was not completely dependent on what others thought of me or how well liked I was. What a blessing it was to have that stability going through college. Those were formative years for me especially as I traveled to far off places like China and took epic adventures with friends into New Mexico.

After three years of college I finally moved from my hometown not to the mountainous lands of Colorado but instead deep into the mid-west, the great windy city (less windy then Lubbock) Chicago. The Wheaton grad school attracted people from all over the world like Russia, China, India, Rwanda, Australia, Togo, Bolivia, Uruguay, Peru, and from every corner of the US. Those of us from the US were interested in being scattered to the far reaches of the world also. What a beautiful place to fellowship and grow. I am so grateful for this time of training among so many diverse and yet similarly-minded followers of Christ. What each of us had in common was a desire to glorify God completely with our lives wherever He may choose to send us or return us. I have never been understood so well or when my opinions where different from those I was around I have never been so well listened to and respected.

And from that nurturing environment I have returned home. Now what?

This is long overdue

So it looks like from my blog I've been traveling home from Brazil for over four months. The truth is(n't) I traded my international flight for a 150cc Brazilian motorcycle and have been struggling with intra-continental travel since mid December. My family got concerned when Christmas rolled around and I wasn't' there. The debt collectors got concerned in January when my student loans went from repayment to default status and I got concerned when I realized at this rate I would be making better time running the last leg of the journey from Mexico to Chicago then trying to keep the bike in functioning condition. So that's what I'm doing these days. This past Saturday I had an amazing 18 mile run. And if 18 miles in one day is better distance then riding the motorcycle you can only imagine what these past four months have been like. But it is true, I missed the snowy winter Chicago is said to have had this year.

The truth is this has been quite a busy semester. Not so turbulent in the realm of culture shock as I had initially expected but none the less there have been many adjustments to be made. Looking back I thick my disposition fits better with the rhythm of Latin America. This may come as a shock to many of you who know me well and think I thrive on business and unplanned obligations. My rhythm didn't exactly match Brazil's but they were complementary like breaking 4/4 time into triplet quarter notes. It becomes something like Bosa Nova and is totally groovy. So I grooved in Brazil and now that I'm still plowing through this semester at breakneck speed and intensity I am really craving a groove. Here's the deal though, in one week all my class work must be completed. So if I can handle to demands of academia on top of all other life obligations for one more week I'll be free finally to pursue a new rhythm of life.

A refresher course on the recent history of my life just for reflection's and procrastination's sake: Spring of 2007 I attempted a hunger project in which I ate little more then Breedlove dehydrated soup (stuff that USAID uses for international relief aid). This project began to cultivate within me an increasing brokenness for the plight of the poor in the majority world.
The summer of 2007 I embraced voluntary homelessness by ending my traditional lease situation and primarily camping in the backyard of a friend's house. This lifestyle of camping was also mixed with a bit of cross-country road tripping which facilitated some amazing prayer and listening to C.S. Lewis audio books.
The fall of 2007 was spent applying the values that have been surging and seeking expression by living and working with Word Made Flesh in the second largest favela in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Please read my reflections from each of the phases in my life by flipping through my previous posts.

What is going on in my life now? Well to be sure, I don't have a motorcycle, I also don't have a lease but I do have two bedrooms that I flip-flop between and I still work at the coffee shop in Wheaton. I'm a week from finishing my Master's degree at Wheaton College and I'm within a month of running a marathon. And running is what I should have been posting about throughout this spring. Running has been my extreme pursuit of the season. I have been running in -2 degree with strong wind weather. I have also been running in 90 degree high humidity weather. I have had icecicles growing on my eye lashes and I've been sun burnt. Running is extreme. Anytime I run more then 5 miles I wonder why the heck I do this painful thing to my body.

Well, the reason is death. I wont expound on that yet. Maybe after this afternoon's run, after I've had another chance to meditate on the topic the words will come to me to explain the thing that compels me to run 26.2 miles on May 24th in Traverse City, MI.

I'll try to start blogging more regularly again. Sorry for checking out of the world of media connectivity for so long. No promises that I'll do any better at answering my phone or checking my email but maybe I can promise a blog at least every two weeks.

tchou!

Life Goals

A couple years ago a friend told me about a list of things he wanted to do in his lifetime. He wrote it while he was in high school and by this point he had graduated college and realized his time was running out to accomplish some of the things on his list before the strains of adult life held fast their unrelenting hold on him. The most remarkable thing on his list was to run a marathon. This man was at least a hundred pounds away from running a marathon but that didn't stop him, it actually became greater motivation. He inspired me to come up with my own list. Now two years later I think I'm finally ready to give this list a try.

Life Goals:
1. Hike the entire Appalachian Trail
2. Run a Marathon
3. Spend a minimum of 8 years in another country
4. Adopt children
5. Write a book

Now we all know that dreaming about doing things is not enough. Unless we make concrete efforts to accomplish goals they will never get themselves done.
So here's where I'm at in accomplishing each of these things:
1. Looks like I'll begin preparing to make the voyage across 14 eastern states from March-September 2009.
2. I'm trying to run 2-3 times a week to maintain current shape but have not selected a marathon or year.
3. Preparing to work on a Servant Team with Word Made Flesh this fall to see if WMF would be an organization that I could serve with for many years.
4. I know that I want a boy from Africa and a girl from South East Asia but I'm single and in a transitional stage in life so I am not prepared to have kids of my own yet. I would prefer to wait until I'm married and plan to live in one place for several years before beginning the adoption process.
5. I have an outline for the book I want to write. I plan to work on the majority of it after graduation from Wheaton while working in Lubbock. Some before the AT and finishing after just before going overseas long-term. Approx. date of release: 2011.

There, that was a fun exercise. I'll come back to this in a year and see what kind of progress has been made. You should come up with a life goals list as well. No matter how young or old you are goals and very good to motivate us to constantly better ourselves and benefit the world we live in.

blessings,
jp

Transition

Sometimes when I drive late at night when the light pollution casts almost indistinguishable shadows on the trees I pretend they are mountains. And I play Death Cab "Someday You Will be Loved" and am reminded that I'm in a transitional place in life. I begin to realize that I'm fooling myself if I try to put deeper roots in the place I'm at now. And I wonder why I've longed for so long to escape the place of stability and the place where I am known most fully. Where will my roots eventually set? What am I running from? And why do I now desire so deeply a sense of stability?

That's all.

Called...

Did you ever wonder how we got "here"? I'm not meaning this in the profound origination sort of way but in the since of this very moment to this very place. I was at Caribou yesterday drinking an iced americano at the big table in the back watching the people and stuff while reading "Not for Sale" and then a friend shows up and he and one of his friends sit down. We get to talking instead of letting them study philosophy. My friend's friend is a catholic studying at Wheaton before going to siminary to become a priest. I asked him why he's at Wheaton and he didn't have an answer. We were a table of three wheaton misfits. Landon, didn't belong there but at least the more recent circumstances make some since (his pa being a prof and all) but the sequence of events before living in Wheaton are miraculous to say the least. This catholic friend was quite incredible but Wheaton really doesn't seem to understand the Catholic tradition very well so I can't imagine how he gets along from day to day. And myself, I'm here because I was told to proceed one step at a time and I looked up after a while and here I was. Most of the time I don't think this education is worth it but the time I'm having up here is meaningful for other reasons.

How did we get here?

I remember a year ago I was interviewing and applying for two different things. Both included a master's degree and roughly covered a two year time frame. I walked into the Psychology Dept. Chair's office and sat down with some heavy issues. I needed advise with a deeply personal issue from my past and also some direction to help me esape the paralysis of these two converging options. Neither of which was right or wrong. Both would be useful and would glorify God. Why do we let two equally valid options paralyze us? Or maybe it is just me.
In class today we discussed "calling." What does it mean to be called? Are we all called? Ephesians 4:1 won the day. I opened also to Isaiah 30:21 (I think this is the right reference) the one about either turn to the left or the right and behind you will be the voice, this is the way, walk in it. We are a chosen people called and set apart to be a people of God. Going back to Hesid or covenental relationship. I'm not trying to say there are no right and wrongs but by trying to elevate one vocation above another we have ignored our collective calling to be a people of God. We try to separate the sacred from the secular rather than realize it is all from God.
Where am I trying to go with this?
I think I need a picnic with the creator. I need to recognize the beauty in all things and also return to the relationship element of service.
There was one boy in my class today. He described a beautiful image of God in fellowship with us. He said that God sits with us and says child what do you want to do with me?
We are called to be a people of God, set free to radiate light in a broken world.

God sits with you on a red and white checkered cloth on a perfectly manicured bug-free hill in Ireland and askes you, His beloved child what you want to do Together. What will you say?

Love

God answers prayers.

It's a pretty cool deal actually.

When I walk I try to pray. But most of the time it seems I get too busy starring at the sidewalk, or where it should be underneath all the ice, while listening to some punk or folk music that totally distracts my thoughts, or at least allows me to enter that absent minded state where our brains can check out. This time I kept my thoughts captive and asked God to teach me specific how to love more purely.

Then I walk into the doors of where I work and began my day. I worked hard, it passed quickly. Then I coordinated our weekly French Press seminar addressing the issue of Fair Trade and social responsibility. Then I went home. Simple. Nothing more or less then the normal day of work. Then I found myself in the basement listening and reading the words of an ordinary man Rob Bell who just happens to have been able to highlight beauty in the ordinary and be able to point it out so that others can see it as well. I soaked that in. I'm still processing a lot of what I read tonight. But I know God intended for these words to have brought to me today in answer to my request and now a journey begins.

Praise the Lord that He believes in us even when we fail to believe in ourselves.

What does it mean to truly love? Love, I believe is what we are called to do first and foremost. God is love. Jesus is God. We are called to follow Jesus. We are called to take on the yoke of love, to be love, to be like Jesus. And so we begin to consider what is loving in situations throughout our day.

Example from last week, between classes chilling at a coffee shop. Reading some book on what chruches should look like or some-such and then I begin to look around the room and see a table to my right, two men, discussing discipleship. Then I look to my left and there is a table of 6 men talking about their church, I think they were a ministry meeting. Then I look in front of me and it's a woman sitting alone reading a Christian magazine. Then I look to the far side of the room and I see a professor reading a big theology text. And it goes on and on. I say nobody in there reading a great piece of literature, nobody telling a story to a friend about their childhood, no dating couples talking about their love, no old women sharing recipes. None of it. Just religious discussions in a coffee shop. And this is what it seems like all the time. Christian talk everywhere. It's inescapable. And that day I had a mini-panic attack being surrounded by Christian talk. My thinking through my experiences tells me that talk is cheap.

What sparked the prayer today, what got me to look up rather than down was a license plate on a Mercedes that was customized to read, "THE WORD." This can be interpreted many different ways. I thought of two and neither is loving. The more loving of the two is a memory of a joke that I think Mike tells about college kids naming their bed, "the word" so they can sound spiritual saying they are off to spend time in "the word." In this case meaning I'm going to go off to my expensive SUV. I bet you can figure out what my less loving interpretation was on your own.

Where does this frustration (mask for the anger underneath) come from and how can I get rid of it? And so I prayed. I am now going to make a conscientious effort to see beauty in more things. For instance the fact that now because of the Mercedes people will see "THE WORD" and maybe wonder about it and maybe think I should read the Bible or maybe somehow this license will produce fruit. And maybe it is a miracle that the owner of this vehicle know about "THE WORD." From my experience reading the word I get the feeling that now many people with money figure out what it means. So maybe I should rejoice that people with money can move toward Christ. I look all over Wheaton and other suberbs and I should be rejoicing a lot because rich people do know Christ.

However this is not how I normally think. This is not how I normally interpret the world around me. And so I'm learning the way of love. There is not distinction in love of who does it better. And what process of love is more acceptable. If love is given than the receiver is receiving love. There is no formula for the one right way to love. My way to love is no better than your way. Love is love. My problem now with love is I haven't let it heal or transform all of me.

And again I say, I am beginning a new adventure right now.

Missions' Moment

This is for a class assignment that I'm suppose to find a way to use and/or share the information I found in the BGC archieves with others. So I hope some of you find this information useful or encouraging or maybe as a reminder of the "good ole days."

This past week I spent some time in the Billy Graham Center Archives. I spent a few hours digging through a box of letters from a couple young missionaries in their early years to the Masai Tribe in Kenya. John W. Stauffacher lived from 1878-1944 and his wife Florence Minch Stauffacher from 1881-1859. They went with the African Inland Mission (AIM) agency serving in Kenya, Uganda, and Tanzania. They compiled a dictionary of the Masai language and a Bible translation.

John worked under Charles Hurlburt whom he spoke well of as a father. Charles Hurlburt lived and worked at the missions station among the Kikuyu in Kijah. John spent the first part of his first term working in Kijah as well, learning from Hurlburt and learning the language and culture of the Masai whom he had come to minister among.

In his correspondence to Florence on 11 June 1903 he talked about his joy in God, the darkness in Africa, and his desire for Florence to join him there. In the following letter, 29 August 1903, John wrote about his surprise at the beauty and joy of Africa and the people at the station in the mountains (Kijah). John spent his time in the early days teaching English and learning their language in preparation to be the first missionary among the Masai.

On the 10 of October 1903 John wrote about slipping away to a serene place to pray and to study the language by the cliffs among the trees and a stream. At least that is what his superior Hurlburt thought. John secretly hid away to read the letters from his love Florence.

In these early letters I got the feeling that John polarized the world. He saw Africa as dark and God as the light that needed to be taken to them. This made him very sure in his task and without hesitation in going and giving up all so that some may be saved. The urgency he spoke of in the early letters convicted me on some letter. John was taking his call seriously. Then I read the letter from October which displays the youthful humanity of this man of God. The fact that he would slip away to dream of how it will be when his lover joins him on the field shows that maybe those of us in this room 100 years later studying to be missionaries are not that much different. Do we take the call that seriously? Do we understand the urgentcy? Do we see in black and white? And should we?

This letter from 30 of March 1904 stood out to me. I will quote from it directly for you to see how John really spoke and thought.
"Now about yourself. I almost wish you had not asked me for advice. Not that I do not come to advise you, but because there is only one advice that I can honestly give and that may seem to be for my own selfish interest. Before I say anything else I will say full well to do whatever you think best regardless of me. Try as far as possible to know what the will of your Master is and the rest will take care of itself. Let me give you a few facts however which may help you decide what to do. Your work here would no doubt be exclusively among the Masai. European settlers are coming in rapidly nearly all of them looking for their own selfish interest. The government giving land grants, is gradually crowding down the Masai to a narrow territory and if this continues and there is no reason why it should not they may finally be crowded out entirely. There are a people quite different from others, in that they will not cultivate, nor do the work of other natives. They simply watch their sheep and cattle. So they are of no use to the white man unless taught. Then if their feeding grounds are taken away from them what will become of them." paraphrase-Half have been reduced already. "So your life and mine worth while to be spent in rescuing some of this generation for our Master. It may seem like uselessly throwing our lives away." paraphrase-John will waste his life if some are rescued. He feels heaven would be a disappointment after the work he's done if some aren't there. She is faced with either continuing education or joining him. He says you don't need more training to compel the Mosai to Christ. All they need is love. They need pure love by someone willing to come live among them. "They are dirty, deceitful, wretched. Only a touch of love will brighten them. Your education will come to nothing except that it may enlarge your life. But unless you are certain that God wishes you to stay don't waste a minute longer than is really necessary. We don't know how much time he will give us and especially in this country one can never know which day will be his last."

John seems to have an understanding of the greatest command. As far as I know he also went through higher education but he is a couple years older than Florence so he finished before her. I have wondered about what John is saying many times myself. Do I really need this degree in order to do the work of God? Would I have been equally prepared for service if I had just gone out after college, or even high school? At the end of high school I didn't want to do missions and at the end of College I didn't know where God was calling me to serve. But Florence knows where God is calling her or at least where John is calling and she must decided if school is necessary for service and love.

In another letter from 29 April 1904 John writes that he has now moved to the Mosai tribe (described as a dangerous warring people). They have asked him to be their friend. He describes them as also being intelligent because they listened to the story he brought them about Christ and told them about the work (mission) he is doing. The Mosai boy, Mulungit, who taught him the Mosai language at the mission station in Kijah is now zealously preaching among the Mosai. John has discipled him since moving to Africa and Mulungit also studied with Hurlburt.

John writes many more letters to Florence trying to persuade her to join him. John tells her she would be teaching the women and children at home and cooking while he would travel to the ten nearby villages to preach. Florence finally arrived around the 8th of October 1905. They married sometime before the 8th of May 1906. Their first furlough was in 1909. Following that to led expeditions into Uganda and Tanania. They led the first group to Zaire in 1912. Then they served in Uganda until their second furlough in 1914. They returned to Africa in 1918 after WWI to Kenya until 1940.

As many terrible things we say about the missionaries that went before us and had some terrible practices, they also made some tremendous strides to spread the gospel. God has been working throughout the centuries. I wonder if the bible translation John made is still in use. I wonder if there are still Christians among the Mosai that he went to, generations later. I wonder if the Mosai still have land and cattle and sheep. Or maybe they have been moved to another land. If any readers know some follow up on the work the Stauffachers did I would love to know about it.

This information was gathered from letter from John W. Stauffacher to Florence Minch Stauffacher, between June 1903 and May 1906. Folders 1-4, Box 1, Collection 281, Papers: 1902-1973, n.d.. Archives of the Billy Graham Center, Wheaton, Illinois.

Day of Prayer and deep meditation

So the past two days were near miserable for many reasons but today had a completely different feel to it. I've been waking up before my alarm all week (maybe I adjusted to EST while on the East Coast the past two weeks) and have spent that time in prayer and reading to slowly center my day in the Lord. I have to confess this is a practice that I have always desired but have never made any effort to maintain. So today I went from waking up slowly in prayer and reading (while cooking sticky rice) to going up to school to sit around in the lounge and reading for another hour about spiritual warfare. After that with was 45 minutes of intimate prayer time with 5 of my closest peer in the ICS program. Then we went to the spiritual conflicts class. After that two of these friends pulled me aside to lay hands on me and pray over me. Why all this prayer today? God has definitely been speaking to me.
I've been pouring my thoughts into studying about folks like Francis and Claire, Patrick and Brigid, and the lives of other dedicated preacher/missionary/servant types that had a special calling to the poorest of the poor. Jesus was born amongst the poorest through the detestable unwed teenage child. His friends were smelly fishers, disgusting leapers, and worthless disabled. (these adjectives are not my opinion but the common perception of people by the general society at the time)
So I'm praying. I'm about to go to work. It is a place where I can relax and shut down on what I'm doing to enter the routine of the task all the while process these things that are weighing heavy on my heart.
Please join me in prayer at this time. I'm confused. I am broken and being made more and more aware of this all the time. I'm not okay and you're not okay so what are we going to do about it?
Oh but I don't want to end on a sad note, today I rejoice in the grace we have. I rejoice that there are options for us. I rejoice that I'm here in Wheaton surrounded but information from people, books, experiences that keep drawing me nearer and nearer to the Lord. Now I hunger and thirst for a season in life where I will no longer feel pressured to find meaning through studies and find fullness in life in living as the least, as only a servant, and rejoicing in that lowly position. Praise God!