So the past two days were near miserable for many reasons but today had a completely different feel to it. I've been waking up before my alarm all week (maybe I adjusted to EST while on the East Coast the past two weeks) and have spent that time in prayer and reading to slowly center my day in the Lord. I have to confess this is a practice that I have always desired but have never made any effort to maintain. So today I went from waking up slowly in prayer and reading (while cooking sticky rice) to going up to school to sit around in the lounge and reading for another hour about spiritual warfare. After that with was 45 minutes of intimate prayer time with 5 of my closest peer in the ICS program. Then we went to the spiritual conflicts class. After that two of these friends pulled me aside to lay hands on me and pray over me. Why all this prayer today? God has definitely been speaking to me.
I've been pouring my thoughts into studying about folks like Francis and Claire, Patrick and Brigid, and the lives of other dedicated preacher/missionary/servant types that had a special calling to the poorest of the poor. Jesus was born amongst the poorest through the detestable unwed teenage child. His friends were smelly fishers, disgusting leapers, and worthless disabled. (these adjectives are not my opinion but the common perception of people by the general society at the time)
So I'm praying. I'm about to go to work. It is a place where I can relax and shut down on what I'm doing to enter the routine of the task all the while process these things that are weighing heavy on my heart.
Please join me in prayer at this time. I'm confused. I am broken and being made more and more aware of this all the time. I'm not okay and you're not okay so what are we going to do about it?
Oh but I don't want to end on a sad note, today I rejoice in the grace we have. I rejoice that there are options for us. I rejoice that I'm here in Wheaton surrounded but information from people, books, experiences that keep drawing me nearer and nearer to the Lord. Now I hunger and thirst for a season in life where I will no longer feel pressured to find meaning through studies and find fullness in life in living as the least, as only a servant, and rejoicing in that lowly position. Praise God!